What happens in your body when you think of love, Valentine’s Day, or relationships? Can you take a moment to tune in and feel the "felt sense" of these subjects? Perhaps your bodily response differs from your brain’s response. For a moment, track the sensations and bring some curiosity to the experience you notice.
When I tried this exercise, I was surprised to find my throat and heart area constricting, with emotion rising immediately. Memories of my beloved border collie, Bush, came flooding back. He passed away a few years ago from old age. Many of you will remember my old faithful, beautiful boy who was ALWAYS by my side. Tears rolled down my face at the sudden memory of his love and support. I waited patiently as this wave of emotion bubbled up and left in its wake an open-hearted, lovely feeling of gratitude. That open-hearted feeling inspired me to write to you about love today.
Love exists in so many forms in our world. It carries both happiness and wonder, as well as sadness and loss. These aspects coexist. Somehow, we must hold both parts of this experience simultaneously. The fear of loss and pain may encourage our nervous systems to protect us by shutting down the heart center, especially if we’ve experienced significant loss or disappointment in love.
I’m offering the idea that you can work with yourself and your system to stay open to love, even in the face of intense pain. Open-heartedness feels so much better than the numbness that comes with protection. To open yourself, you need to trust in your resilience and allow your nervous system to discharge the pain and activation it holds. This process enables you to return to neutral—a calm state—where you can remain open and calm moving forward, even when there’s a risk of further pain.
To be loved, you need to allow yourself to be seen—vulnerable, exposed, warts and all. That takes serious courage. I now understand why I thought of Bush when I reflected on the concept of love. He looked right into me with his big, gorgeous eyes. He saw all of me—my good parts and my messy parts—and loved me unconditionally. He taught me about unconditional love, possibly the greatest gift of all.
If there’s a possibility of opening yourself to unconditional love, it must start with learning to love yourself unconditionally. That means dropping the judgments and stories you hold about yourself, seeing the real you, and loving it!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please share your comments!
May you have a love-filled time, and thank you for reading this blog! Remember, love heals, and love makes the world go around.
With love always,
Sue
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